Everything Changes

Top Ten Ways The World Would Be Different If Barbra Streisand Were President:

10. State of the Union Address features five costume changes
9. Trillion-dollar military contracts awarded to Aamco Transmissions
8. Secretary of the Navy re-named "Prince of Tides"
7. First time since Ford that a president has performed a duet with Neil Diamond
6. Statue of Liberty's nose made twice as big
5. President blows off Russian summit for two-week gig at the MGM Grand
4. Marvin Hamlisch brought in to make Constitution "peppier"
3. When she enters room, marine band strikes up "Hello Dolly"
2. Common headline: "Security Briefing Ends In Diva Fit"
1. United States declares war on cellulite

Due to the popularity of the Survivor show, Georgia is planning to do its
own, entitled "Survivor, South GA Style".

The contestants will start in Atlanta, travel to Macon, Warner Robins,
Tifton, over to Enigma, Willacoochee and down to Hahira, Lake Park and
Valdosta. They will then proceed to Homerville, Waycross, Blackshear,
Hinesville and Nahunta. From there, they'll travel to Savannah, Augusta
and finally back to Atlanta.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm
gay, vegetarian, voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."

The first one to make it back to Atlanta alive wins.

Students at a Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with
a real dead human body. They are all gathered around the surgery table
with the body covered with a white sheet. Then the professor started
the class by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important
qualities as a doctor: The first is that it is necessary that you don't
get disgusted." The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in
the butt of the dead body, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in
his mouth and sucked it. "Go ahead and do the same thing" he told his
students.

The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns! ,
sunk their finger in the butt of the dead body and sucked it after withdrawing
it. When everyone finished the  Professor looked at them and told them:
"The second important quality is observation. I inserted the middle finger
and sucked the index." Pay attention people.

A Touching Story (This one is worth reading through to the end, I Promise)

Right before Christmas I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season right then.

It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy. I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later.

So mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the mall entrance. As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 years old.

He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill.

Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand. Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad story.

He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and four sisters. His father had died when he was nine years old. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full time jobs. She made very little to support her large family. Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to buy her children Christmas presents.

The young boy had been dropped off, by his mother, on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home. He had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred dollar bills and disappeared into the night.

"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked. The boy said, "I did." "And nobody came to help you?" I queried. The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head.

"How loud did you scream?" I inquired. The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"

I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help. So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.

Signed,

Kenneth Lay
Enron CEO